Theme you ask? Oh yes, I’m not talking elaborate themed events but more about matching colours and textures together. Ensuring the flowers complement the theme, creating beautiful lighting, hiring in good quality linen and sin above all sins, ensuring no-one even thinks about putting those napkins into swans or bishops hats.
What about the entertainment, why isn’t a string quartet and disco enough? Before you know it she is talking about magicians, silhouette artists and singing waiters, just what is all that about? Oh yes weddings are big business now and not just in money, its all about creating a seamless design and ensuring all guests leave thinking what a great wedding.
For most mothers, the process of choosing a wedding outfit can become so emotional because they truly want to find an outfit that their daughter will love. They want an outfit that makes them feel beautiful on their daughter’s big day, a dress that will bring a smile to both the bride’s and their own faces, and of course they want to shine over and beyond every other guest. But is buying the right outfit as easy as it sounds? Janet from Tiptree thought choosing her outfit was one of the most stressful parts of the wedding “all the designs were too frumpy and all were pastel colours. The extortionate prices didn’t much the quality of the fabrics and designs, finding one in the right colour to suit me was also difficult“.
I advise talking with your daughter about the wedding theme and colours, there is no sense choosing an outfit that clashes with all the flowers and décor! Secondly think about a colour analysis with Colour Me Beautiful or House of Colour, this gives you a chance to see what colours best suit your skin tone and what styles to avoid or aim for. You then need to think about the season, if it’s in winter think about a smart trouser suit with accentuating silk scarves. In summer you want a dress that is not too heavy, linen is great but does it crease? If you choose a hat or fascinator, talk with the designer about the weather conditions, how will the rain affect it and how can it be secured when windy?
Now is the time for some well deserved pampering with your daughter giving you the opportunity to catch up and relax before the wedding. On the wedding day have your hair professionally styled and makeup applied by a trained beautician. Finally remember to relax, if any small hiccups occur, does it matter? This is your daughters wedding so shine and enjoy it.
THE DAY ITSELF
Your daughter is nervous, scared and excited, the last thing she needs is her Mother flapping around. Ok, hear me out before you shout out in horror. I’ve seen it happen so many times, the bride is with her bridesmaids trying to calm down when the Mother enters, have you done x, y, z. did you confirm the drive, why isn’t he here, where’s the photographer, WHY AREN’T you dressed. Stop, breathe, go find someone else to scream these concerns to, a best man or wedding planner. Just don’t say it to the bride, just hug and kiss her, calm down and relax. “I was very calm before my Mum came in panicking about nothing” Said one Anon bride. There are some things you can’t control like the weather but everything else can be controlled, delegate someone whether the venue staff, a wedding planner or best man to run the schedule and deal with problems on the day so you are not disturbed .
As hard as it may be, remember this is your daughters wedding. You can help, advise and support, but remember the final decision should always be hers. Do you know families are the cause of so much stress for a bride leading up to her wedding day? Family seem to think they have a right to demand x, y and z from the bride & groom. Think I’m exaggerating? Common scenarios include complaining when accommodation or transport isn’t provided, asking why a cousin’s new boyfriend can’t come or insisting that they must sit next to such and such relative by the top table!
I shall leave you with one lovely quote from one of my Mother of the Bride.
Lovely as the day is, full of love, laughter, emotion and happiness – after that comes the next day. Rather like having a baby, except the baby is gone away, on honeymoon, she is not your baby any more but someone’s wife and there is this great sense of loss. But then the age-old saying “you have not lost a daughter but gained a son” comes to mind and you realise that having children is indeed one of life’s greatest rewards.
The article was originally written for An Essex Wedding in 2007 and subsequently published in their magazine.
Photo Credit: Harvey Collard