When your daughter announces she is getting married, emotion and excitement can set in, your little girl is asking for your advice on her wedding. Together you embark on a shopping trip to choose that all important dress, you delight at how your beautiful daughter is transformed into a stunning bride. You sigh with relief knowing the dress has been chosen but then everyone asks about the organization, wanting to know every little detail. You want to help your daughter but at the same time you want her to enjoy the planning, where is the line between assisting your daughter and taking over?
Every bride is different, some want their Mothers to literally organise the whole event, perhaps their careers mean they have little time or they no longer live in the area where they intend to marry. They may want you to have little or no input and perhaps she wants you to organise with her?
Surely planning a wedding can’t be that difficult? In the beginning when you help choose a venue for your daughter it probably all seems like a breeze. You help with decisions on which supplier to book but try desperately not to ‘interfere’, being involved but also talking a step back can be hard. ‘At times I felt I was not in control, not always knowing what was happening as I wasn’t making the decisions. But, at the same time I didn’t want more to do, very strange feeling‘ explains Janet
To start with why not buy her a beautiful wedding planner folder to keep all clippings, swatches and receipts in? M&S have some stunning versions. If you are computer literate start a spreadsheet to keep track of the budget both approx. and actual, guest list, supplier payments and contacts of all supplier. By just taking over the payments or reminders of payments will help immensely.
Then go through the timeline with your daughter and assign tasks, what can you do on her behalf? Perhaps you can manage the invitations, RSVP’s and seeing to all guest needs like transport and accommodation? Then every month just catch up with who she has booked, talk about the design. Be there to help take over any tasks that are worrying her.
Remember, times have changed, gone are the days of holding the reception in a local hotel and being happy with Bucks Fizz, roast dinner, disco and finger buffet in evening! Mention this to your daughter and she might display a look of horror on her face. Today its all about choosing the right venue that matches the couples expectations, selecting the right suppliers to create their dream wedding and of course coming up with the theme.
The article was originally written for An Essex Wedding in 2007 and subsequently published in their magazine.