Recently I was on the ChrissyB Show talking about wedding stress but part of the show was also talking about avoiding post wedding depression. Although I have written about this topic for magazines before, it doesn’t look like I’ve covered it on my blog so seemed like the ideal time to do so.
Most of us have heard of post baby blues but what about post wedding depression? Surely after all those hours spent ensuring your wedding was perfect would leave you ecstatic? In fact many new brides feel incredibly deflated after the honeymoon and wonder if it was worth all that pressure and stress. Brides start to think about the money and what it could have been used for instead, a house deposit, new car; new kitchen… the list goes on. Not everyone needs or wants a planner though so how can you help yourself?
There are a few changes you can implement both before and after the wedding to help you return from honeymoon as happy as when you departed. Sit down with your fiancé and talk about the future and start making plans, this could be as simple as saying it would be nice to live near family eventually or you would like to visit Australia prior to having children. Having a focus will ensure you still have a life as a couple and not allowing the wedding to all consume you. Spending every weekend visiting suppliers or venues will take its toll on you; have 1 weekend per month as a couple with no wedding discussion allowed. Try to delegate some tasks to family members who would be only too glad to help and try to plan something fun for you and your fiancée to do, laughter is the best medicine after all.
Health & Fitness
Pre wedding and post wedding blues are very common and the most important thing is to prepare yourself nutritionally well before the big day. Try to eat whole, unprocessed foods and make sure there is some protein in each meal. Avoid refined sugar and eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. This will ensure that you maintain stable blood sugar levels which in turn stabilises your mood. It also has the additional benefit of creating healthy skin, hair and nails and giving you a beautiful bridal glow. If you feel the anxiety getting on top of you, speak to a herbalist and ask them to recommend some herbs for anxiety.
Its also important to take regular exercise, if you don’t want to start running marathons or going to a gym, try to just fit in a 30 minute walk every day. This can make a huge difference to your health and fitness. In fact according to this article moderate-intensity exercise (like brisk walking) is as effective as antidepressants in cases of mild depression. I always find walking clears my mind making it easier to focus and prioritise on what I need to do. I’m in the country so for me I love walking across fields with my dog, its incredibly peaceful. Or if in London why not take part in the LoveWalk.
Be realistic about what a marriage is, when you return from honeymoon you still have to do the shopping or cleaning, this is far from the glamorous bride you were at your wedding. Remember this is perfectly normal, the most important thing is that you and your fiancée declared your love and devotion in front of everyone, thus becoming husband and wife.
Even if anything went wrong on the day does it really matter? Use this time to plan your future, and if you need to start new to do list then do it! My husband secretly loves my lists (well I tell myself he does).
A wedding can take 250 hours to organise, that was a lot of your time, thus you need to fill this with something new. This could be a new hobby or exercise regime. Arrange dates with your husband so that no matter what, you spend time together as a couple. This doesn’t even have to be an evening date, why not meet for lunch if you work locally to each other, have a weekend picnic, go for a morning hike.
Whilst planning your wedding your diary was full of appointments with suppliers and venues, so ensure when you come back from honeymoon you have some pre arranged dates in the calendar. This could be a day out with your mum, girly pamper day with your friends or meal at a restaurant you’ve been meaning to visit.
Start getting organised, clear wedding items you no longer need and get your house in order. Maybe you can donate surplus wedding items to charity?
I hope this helps but most importantly remember marriage isn’t a bed of roses, there are ups and downs and at some point the honeymoon will be over! Accept that you will argue but make sure you argue fairly and listen to each others viewpoints. I’ve been married for 14 years and wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’ll leave you with….
“Your marriage will be best if you debunk common marital myths, fight fairly, reduce marital stress, maintain a good sex life, and work together to resolve money issues that affect the marriage.” Making Marriage Work for Dummies Worksheet
Photo by Mark Seymour Photography
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